The End of a Question is the Answer

I grew up with metaphors and allegories. At school, fables were used to teach about values, antagonism, co-existence and survival. The animal characters in fables are easier companions to children then say Tarras Boulba or Churchill.

I recall my secondary school teacher once stating that “an answer is the death of a question” implying that a question should not be addressed with only one answer. More importantly, that we should ask questions without expecting the answer to be the reward. That we need to ask questions because curiosity is a fundamental attribute to cherish.

This line of thinking or teaching does not only come from school teachers but from our own life experiences. And nothing is as endemic to our experiences as is love. I recall one statement that has me wonder over the years. It proposes that “Love is the end of passion, and dependency is the end of love.” With age and my passage through life, I thought that dependency was between people. A state of supportive co-existence with mutual comfort. A natural evolution in relationships and human interactions.

…I was reading poems by W.B Yeats and Seamus Heaney this weekend. There is a line by Yeats that was repeated by Heaney and is one of the most reflected upon poetic moment in modern Irish literature. It reads:
                                                              The end of art is peace

I reflected upon that line again, as I have done many times before. The common interpretation is that lack of turmoil, perhaps defined as peace, does not promote the pursuit of creativity. That curiosity, be that artistic or intellectual, needs conflict, struggle and tumult. Indeed, that passion for expression cannot be kept ardent when the mind and soul are at peace.

But this weekend, as Yeats' original line made me put down my book and look at the snowy mountaintop outside my window, I made the connection between dependency and peace. It seemed to me that peace is not solely a state of the soul or mind, but a daily comfort with the predictable. In contrast, passion and love, for a person, an idea or a dream, are the explorations of the unpredictable. That is why the rewards and falls in and from love are exhilarating or devastating. There is no peace during the pursuit of a passion – there is only the high of the pursuit.

So, how did I interpret Yeats' statement?

As an artist, my passionate pursuit is expression. The modes vary, but to exteriorate what is brewing in the entrails of my curiosity is the birthing I push for. There is no peace in the process, although a relief and short respite soon after. Till the next need to express again.

But what happens if the brewing stops? When the well is dry? When I start just repeating myself? Would I have reached that peace, that predictability within which my dependency finds extended respite?

If that is the case, then it is not peace that ends the passion for artistic expression, but perhaps it is the reaching of the predictable expression that reminds us to stop repeating ourselves.

.. In Julius Caesar Shakespeare said:
        “Cowards die many times before their deaths. The brave experience death only once.”

Perhaps peace is the death of the brave, not the end of art.


February 20, 2018
©Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2018

Homens Bêbados

It is raining so I will not go to the desert today. Instead, I looked through my small library of books in one corner of my art studio to isolate myself from the weather.

I have books I collected over the decades, as well as books I inherited from my father’s vast library. These are books written in Armenian, in French, in Arabic, in Italian and in English. Some of the books are a couple of centuries old, including a few from the Ottoman days in Turkish but written in the Arabic alphabet.

Today I pulled out a book of poetry by P. Pessoa.

I often read Pessoa and P. Neruda on rainy days. And on rainy evenings I find refuge in an Armenian romantic poet’s lines, those by Mateos Zarifian. Will come back to him later.

I do not start with a theme or idea in mind. I let the pages reveal these as I slowly re-read poems I have known for decades. This morning my mind focused upon the fact that Pessoa died from cirrhosis of the liver. Not an unusual event for artists who push the boundaries of their feelings and imagination with the help of stimulants. 

So, I read one of the Sonnets by Pessoa, the Sonnet XI:

Like to a ship that storms urge on its course,

By its own trials our soul is surer made.

The very things that make the voyage worse

Do make it better; its peril is its aid. 

Peril and stimulants. Among them love and disappointment.

Which made me recall a poem by Neruda, interestingly titled Love Sonnet XI:

I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.

Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.

Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day

I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps

The “liquid measure”. And that reminded me of the controversy about Neruda’s death. It was not cirrhosis, it was not cancer. It was never known.

What filled the souls of these poets? Rumi, another of my favorite poets of rainy days, suggested:

      Take sips of this pure wine being poured. Don't mind that you've been given a dirty cup.

… Billie Holiday, Jimi Hendrix, Pessoa. Was it the wine? Or were they given a dirty cup by destiny?

… I am reading a Pulitzer Prize Winner book titled “The Swerve: How the World Became Modern” by Stephen Greenblatt. It is a book one reads slowly given the vast historical context within which the author revisits the contributions of “ancient” citizens of our planet. Two biographies have captured my curiosity so far – the poetry of Lucretius and the true message of Epicure.

His poem De rerum natura ("On the Nature of the Universe") has been discovered and rediscover over the centuries through translations by scholars and monks. It has influenced the thinking of generations and nations from the Romans to this day. In this poem Lucretius writes about the mind and soul of all creatures, analyzes their sensations and thought, and transcends to celestial topics. He specifically posits about the development of the world and its ever changing nature; and explains a variety of celestial and terrestrial phenomena. De rerum natura  borrows heavily from the ideas Epicurianism, specifically the concept of Atomism and the analytic process of psychology. Lucretius was the first writer to introduce Roman readers to Epicurean philosophy. 

In synopsis, Lucretius proposes that our universe operates according to physical principles guided by fortuna or "chance". 

And that is the concept of atomism found in Epicureanism. The a-tome, or the non-further divisible, is what Epicure and Lucretius proposed as the fundamental particle making up all of us, our world and our universe. Their random (fortuna) movements eventually result in things, perhaps life and the celesta. It is called the Swerve, which is the title of Greenblatt’s book.

But Epicure was more than an atomic materialist – he proposed a way of filling our limited years of existence with joy. Epicurus believed that what he called "pleasure" was the greatest good, and that the way to attain such pleasure was to live modestly, to gain knowledge of the workings of the world, and to limit one's desires. This would lead one to attain a state of tranquility (ataraxia) and freedom from fear as well as an absence of bodily pain (aponia).

After reading the Swerve, I realized that Epicurianism is not about excess and debauchery, but about the way to minimize pain and enhance joy. If nothing else, that was a good outcome of my reading.

Now back to my “rainy day and night poets”.

Neruda, Pessoa and Rumi somehow touched on the teachings of Epicure. Love, wine and the tortured soul are the atoms of poetry. Or at least are the stimulants which when cannot be further divided, result in poetry. And that brings me to my favorite Armenian romantic poet, Mateos Zarifian.

I have read all of Zarifian’s writings many thousand times. I started when I was about 13 years old and have very often reread his work over the decades. I still have the 1950’s compilation of his works which used to be next to my bed as a teenager.

Zarifian died of pulmonary tuberculosis at the age of 30, but given his lifestyle, he could have died of liver cirrhosis as well. He produced a handful of small booklets of poetry but his simple yet tortured feelings about love and destiny have shaped generations.

And since today’s theme seems to be Epicurianism and cirrhosis, in a calm voice I recited in Armenian one of my favorite poems by Zarifian titled “Toast”:

Fill the glasses.

Let us drink to

aimless sheer delight

without reason,

without cause

mocking death

and life […]

Fill the glass

and let me drink

the very fire of hell

while death himself

toasts in return

to my good health.

To my delight, I found this translation into English on the Internet done by Diana Der-Hovanessian, author of twenty-three books of poetry, including ten books of translations.

…The wind is howling by my window just like the coyotes do at night. And the rain will soon turn the yellow-brown of the desert into a collage of vibrant colours. Meanwhile, my morning has been all poetry, and I am grateful to the rain for it.

So I give the last word to Neruda to sum up my feelings:

“Someday, somewhere - anywhere, unfailingly, you'll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life.” 

February 12, 2018

© Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2018

• The title of this essay is “Drunken Men” in Portuguese.

The Loudest Noise

In the mirror I have seen

A healed memory

Of who walked often-taken

Paths

And got lost

But there were others there

In search of their compass

In the hope they will not

Find the North

Nor the South

It is the moment

Often-taken paths take away

From those who forget

That to find

One must stop

And just listen

I have stopped often

To find others next to me

Listening

… In the mirror

I have seen the healed memory

Of all those who stopped a while

To share the secret

Of being lost

In the moment

On often-taken

Paths

December 13, 2017

© Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2017

A Scar is What Happens When the Word is Made Flesh.” ― Leonard Cohen, The Favorite Game

…When the flesh has a name

It teasingly forgets

That you also have a name

And all becomes unlived

As if a stay in bed

To miss the sunrise

…When the flesh has a name

It hides its own scars

To surprise the hopeful

And all becomes new again

To last the space of a good-bye

And miss a lonely sunset

…But that name comes back

As flesh, scar and poem

To remind you one night

That you still

Have a name

November 26, 2017

Gardenia Flower

My key locked itself

In the hope of a return

To what was now a story

Simple and common story

Rainy mornings in cities of people

Now are open spaces where I wonder

About teary people in cities of steel

Within them the past lingers, and the story hides

My key lost itself

Next to a window

On a rainy day

In a town with no past

...And, if I push open again

My window shutters one day

I may tell a story

To a new morning and day

And then

Throw my key away

November 18, 2017

© Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2017

Algún Sonido

It is November and the sky is heavy. Dead leaves are everywhere on the city streets and the desert is browner than usual. Large raven fly in groups and dance the fall farandole.

A good time to read poetry.

Coral Bracho is a contemporary Mexican poet who celebrates the daily life. I like his neo-baroque style and have read some of his poems translated to French. I came across a lovely translation in English of a poem I like. It is entitled “Among the Ruins” (Entre Estas Ruinas), and somehow it did hit a personal note today. In a strange way it reminded me of a photo I had taken a few years back of my two dogs. It was with a Yashica 124 and contre-jour. But it has a lot of feelings to it as I associated that photo with the wait.

Here are the opening lines of the poem in Spanish:

Este hotel es una Antigua escuela,

uno lo siente a pesar del tiempo.

A pesar de los muros derruidos,

de los espacios rotos.

And the translation:

This hotel is an old school,

you can feel it, though time has passed.

Despite the broken-down walls,

the smashed spaces.

The author looks for his old room in this hotel in ruins and ends the poem as such:

From here, all the spaces are back to front.

Perhaps I will recognize the look of my room

by its own back.  Or from it, perhaps, I will catch

some sound. (O tal vez reconozca de él

algún sonido.)

It was the choice of the word “sound” that made me uncomfortable. It is just too soft, too anti-climactic. Depending on my mood when reading this poem, I would have looked for murmur, a crashing wave, a roar of the surf! For example “sonido del mar” is more than the “sound of the sea”—it is the roar of the surf and the crashing of the waves!

But, it is November and the sky is heavy. And the slight evening wind is humming through the dry, fallen leaves on the city streets…

November 7, 2017

© Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2017

The Oak Sleeps in the Acorn (James Allen)

It is the first day of November and trees have let go most of their cover and leaves. It is time to be tree again – naked, unassuming but full of promise.

Because indeed the oak sleeps in the acorn, as James Allen wrote in A Man Thinketh. Because the memory of what we have done or produced defines who we are.

… I periodically re-read works which once affected me. Not only because I am eager to discover what I have missed during previous readings, but also to uncover how I interpret ideas as I change. It is both a re-discovery of the written works and a discovery of my-self.

So, I re-read a bit of Hume and a bit of Locke. These philosophers have helped me ask the questions for which I seek no answers, since these all pertain to the notion of identity. Indeed, in my humble and amateur way, over the past half a century I have been faced with notions of identity that have shaped my actions. And they have shaped my writings in books, articles, blogs and on numerous tortured pieces of paper that never graduated to becoming published.

Because the oak sleeps in the acorn.

Because there is no “I” in identity.

Because I was told that I can only recall and act upon my own experiences. No one else’s.

And therefore personal identity is defined by personal memory alone.

… Locke shaped entire generations of philosophers with his statements about memory and identity. And Hume criticized our believes in causality so radically that even as a researcher I often stopped to think if causality was indeed a normative concept or a human translation of the senses we harbor within ourselves, during our short passage.

But, I never sought answers. Because I grew up with the notion that “regret” is an illogical construct. 

Because one can really never regret given that one is never the same person as when an act or thought was undertaken. Man is variable in time and space. The memory of a past act is based on the consciousness we had on that very moment of the act. When consciousness changes in time and space, that memory becomes irrelevant to our present consciousness. We thus cannot regret that act-memory. It is unfair to the memory of that act!

If our consciousness changes, should we also expect a change in our self- identity?

… The relationship between consciousness, memory and identity is dictated by our spacial impulse to be what we are. Not necessarily who we are.

We are acorn with a promise of an oak tree. But we are not an oak tree.

So, when do we become an oak tree? Or even more importantly a forest of oak trees?

In other words, group identity. Is it the sum of self-identities that change over time? If so, then historical causal relationships cannot exist in a group because if acorns become oak trees with random frequency, unequal probability, and exposure to changing environments, then the memories of their experiences is different. Each acorn recants its experience differently.  So, how can these dissimilar recollections of memories add up to a group identity, which suggest uniformity and uniform conforming to normative attributes?

… I have always been amazed by the above concepts within the context of Quantum Mechanics. Consider Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. It says that the momentum and position of a particle cannot be simultaneously and precisely measured because by the time the momentum is measured the position is less specifiable. In fact all wave-like elements adhere to this Principle.

So, if Hume and Locke were contemporaries of Heisenberg how would they view the sub-particle theories affect their thinking? Would they see a grander Principle that affects the memory and consciousness move (wave-like) through time and space like sub-atomic particles do? Would there be support for the concept of identity for not being a singular happening during the life of a person but a series of self-consciousness changes that in turn change identity itself? Is there a universal principle that best describes all movements in nature as identifiable only one point at a time and subject to change over time and space? 

It is the first day in November and the wind makes dead leaves dance in the street.

November 1, 2017

© Vahé A. Kazandjian, 2017